yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
