In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
