My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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