I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
