Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Still dying that you shit outside
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
