Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Come back. Shots need mouths.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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