i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
