she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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