38 yer olds are good kisserssss
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
