After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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