Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
