Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
