Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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