just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
