Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
