i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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