You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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