i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You pole danced in your parka.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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