He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
