i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
