OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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