i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
