Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
