genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Two words: blizzard sex
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
