Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
