The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
