tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
