Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
