I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
