with your own penis?
Umm I'm too high to move.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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