I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
