Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
