I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just gift wrapped bread.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
