come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
