So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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