I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
