Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
