He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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