I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
