I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
