Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
