His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
