You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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