I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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