No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
