Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
