What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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