Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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