Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
