I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
