Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
