I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
