well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
