i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
