I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
