Pants 0. Shit 1.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
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